I was about eight years old when one day, seemingly out of the blue to me, my mother took me aside and had a very serious talk with me. She was upset and demanded my attention and insisted I listen closely. She said ” I heard you say -somebody tried to jew them out of something (I had heard the phrase at school but apart from knowing it meant cheated didn’t have a clue!). Never, ever say that again. Jews are not evil or cheaters, they didn’t kill Jesus, and they are God’s chosen people. Saying things like that is how Hitler came to power”. I was taken aback by her fierceness. My father had been in the British army in WW2 serving in Palestine so I knew about Hitler and concentration camps and had an ingrained belief he was evil. What my Mom said next captured my attention for the rest of my childhood. “I want you to know your grandfather is a Jew. That means if people like the Nazis came to power you are Jewish enough to be taken away. There is nothing to be ashamed about being a Jew but it is not something to let anyone know either. I don’t tell people my father is Jewish because I don’t want them to know about me and your brother and sisters. Now go outside and play.” And I never told a soul until I was a teenager and then only one person, a friend who was Jewish and subjected to some bullying. My mom was always vocal about anti-semitism and I suspect my interpretation of her talk may have left me thinking I should keep this a secret rather than it being her expectation. My grandfather, of whom I was the only grandchild he ever saw, is buried in Jerusalem. We believe he had lost his entire family in a Russian pogrom in Tomsk after WW1 although he never spoke of his past. After emigrating to Canada from Argentina in 1954 my mother never saw her father again and letters from Israel were always a momentous occasion! I only knew him from stories told to me while drying dishes with my Mom. She loved him.
There were echoes in the shadows
Always on the edges of my mind
Whispers from some hidden past
an unseen terror felt,
refusing to fade away
ready to be awakened
by countless trip-wires
The tortured gifts laid
by those long gone before
If this, then that.
Be ready to run
Be ready to hide
Be ready to leave
Spread your roots wide
But keep them shallow
Remember all you own
Is locked within your mind.
Chosen one
Be ready to run